January 1, 2024
Started the new year with a leaking kitchen sink which feels like an omen for how the rest of 2025 is going to turn out, but I'll do my best to keep a postive outlook. Whenever I was a young child I conjured up ideas on how I wanted to live my life, and even made a schedule broken down by the hour (I rarely followed it). I knew I wasn't living in a way that contributed to my growth or health but could not summon the willpower to actually do the things that I needed/wanted to be done. So many goals left unachieved and hobbies that didn't get enough time and effort I would tell myself I will get it the next year, but I always end up succumbing to the same ol' habits. This year has to be diffent. My early twenties are officially over, and it feels like life is passing me by. If I don't get my shit together now, will I ever? My friends and family will tell me that I've accomplished so much, but I guess I just expected more. I'm not really good at anything and I don't follow the goals I set for myself. When I was fifteen years old, I started to teach myself how to crochet becaus I wanted to make my own clothes and various amigurumi. My grandma even gave me a huge bag filled with yarn, but here I am, a decade later, with that same bag of yarn. Crochet is still something I want to be good at, and its heartbreaking to think of all the lost time and progress. I've realized that I will always prioritize sitting in front of a screen rather than doing the things that would bring me long-term happiness. This year has to be different, I can't keep repeating the same cycle over and over again. My goal for the month of January is to remove the instant gratification of technology and sugar, so I wll not be watching any televison and I deleted social media. I was gonna do no technology at all, but the internet is useful for learning stuff and I feel satisfied working on my website. I'm still aiming to minimize as much screentime as possible, we'll see how it goes.